I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
PHYLLIS DILLERBy far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
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You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
PHYLLIS DILLER