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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.

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Common Crave Far Mist Pregnant Prepare Women

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beautiful Bribe Comedy Everything Goes Got Realize Somebody Step Train
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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Hate Mingle Moher Once Orphanage Told Took
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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Bad Earn Ever Kid Last Lose Money Old Teeth Thing
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
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Before Clean Grow House Kid Shovel Snow Stop Up
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beaten Before Him Husband Lick Mixer Want
I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bury Clear Dead Dinner Food Phase Serve Table Three
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
PHYLLIS DILLER

Chance Housework Kill Rake You
You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Blood Discontinue Know Type
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Curve Set Smile Straight
I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Central Crime Night Only Park Reduce Trade Walk Woman
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beuty Estimate Hour Seven Shop Spent
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ask Country Football Good Hairdresser Helmet Look People Person Say
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
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Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Humble Keep Know Mirror
I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Buddhism Depth Feng Numerous Straight Technology Transcendental Work
I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ago Ask Fresh Grass Hour Lady Milk Said Three Waiter

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