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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

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Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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