Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
PHYLLIS DILLERDoctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
PHYLLIS DILLERI’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
PHYLLIS DILLERComedy is tragedy revisited.
PHYLLIS DILLERWhatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
PHYLLIS DILLERTranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
PHYLLIS DILLERMost children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
PHYLLIS DILLERI spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
PHYLLIS DILLERMy mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
PHYLLIS DILLERThe only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
PHYLLIS DILLERIn most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
PHYLLIS DILLERIf your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
PHYLLIS DILLERDo not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
PHYLLIS DILLEREvery time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
PHYLLIS DILLER