I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
NORM MACDONALDLiberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
NORM MACDONALD