There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.
NORM MACDONALDThe young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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I don’t know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it’s fun to watch either one of them get beat up.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
NORM MACDONALD