I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
NORM MACDONALDA suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to others that has been successfully practiced on themselves.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
NORM MACDONALD