I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
NORM MACDONALDA suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
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Some people are so much afraid of being deceived, that they never venture to trust; like misers, their avarice destroys their gain.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
NORM MACDONALD