Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as cunning is a crime, so is duplicity a fault, and if men dread knaves, they also despise fools.
NORM MACDONALDEnvy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
NORM MACDONALD






