Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
NORM MACDONALDEnvy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Though you may be last to discover your follies, be always first to correct them.
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I generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
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I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
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You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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It is often better to be restricted to necessity than unconfined in the measure of our desires: prosperity destroys more individuals than adversity ruins.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that’s a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
NORM MACDONALD