You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
NORM MACDONALDHypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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I’m thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.
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Few people love with the violence they hate.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
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Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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They that are fated to be fools, have one consolation, that they are fated also to be ignorant of it.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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Hypocrisy is the outward acknowledgment of inward shame.
NORM MACDONALD