black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

Mitch Hedberg

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Hurt
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Guy Humor
If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.
MITCH HEDBERG

Animal Funny Humor Running
I’d hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
MITCH HEDBERG

Animal Giraffe Hate
I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I’m not even white. I’m off-white. It’s a new race; we will prevail!
MITCH HEDBERG

Appearance Funny Humor Race
A friend said to me, “I think the weather is trippy.” I said, “No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it’s the way we perceive it.” And then I realized I just should have said, “Yeah.”
MITCH HEDBERG

Climate Funny Humor Men
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So I got a cake.
MITCH HEDBERG

Food Funny Humor
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
MITCH HEDBERG

Food Funny Laughter
I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, “Don’t worry, Dude. I won’t say anything.”
MITCH HEDBERG

Animal Funny Humor Lake
I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
MITCH HEDBERG

Animal Funny Humor People
I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor People
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.
MITCH HEDBERG

Fall Funny Myself Travel
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
MITCH HEDBERG

Crazy Dance Funny Humor Yourself
I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.
MITCH HEDBERG

Fashion Funny Hairs Humor
I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
MITCH HEDBERG

Clever Funny Witty
You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.
MITCH HEDBERG

Appearance Funny Humor Nice

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Mitch Hedberg Quotes