black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Mitch Hedberg

I don’t wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Watches
I’d hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
MITCH HEDBERG

Animal Giraffe Hate
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I’m upside down.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Life
I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.
MITCH HEDBERG

Clever Funny Witty
I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
MITCH HEDBERG

Animal Funny Humor People
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said ‘No, but I want a regular banana later, so… yeah.’
MITCH HEDBERG

Food Friendship Funny Humor
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8?
MITCH HEDBERG

Cloud Stupidity Wrong
Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read!
MITCH HEDBERG

Book Children Funny
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Guy Humor
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.
MITCH HEDBERG

Break Funny Stairs
I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Life Sex Woman
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
MITCH HEDBERG

Food Funny Laughter
Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Music
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
MITCH HEDBERG

Drunk Funny Humor Mess
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
MITCH HEDBERG

Break Funny Humor Sorry
I love my fed-ex guy cause he’s a drug dealer and he don’t even know it…and he’s always on time.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Love

Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Mitch Hedberg Quotes