black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

Mitch Hedberg

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You’ll be mad, but it will be too late.
MITCH HEDBERG

Food Funny Humor
I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.
MITCH HEDBERG

Animal Comedian Food Funny
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Missing
I type a 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Language Word
Why are there no “during” pictures?
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Photograph
I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Impossible
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
MITCH HEDBERG

Crazy Dance Funny Humor Yourself
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So I got a cake.
MITCH HEDBERG

Food Funny Humor
When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.
MITCH HEDBERG

Brother Funny Humor
I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.
MITCH HEDBERG

Fashion Funny Hairs Humor
I don’t have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Girl Mad Relationship
I want to ride in a cold air balloon. “This isn’t going anywhere!”
MITCH HEDBERG

Air Funny Humor
I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8?
MITCH HEDBERG

Cloud Stupidity Wrong
I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.
MITCH HEDBERG

Animal Funny Humor People
If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.
MITCH HEDBERG

Animal Funny Humor Running

I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

I find a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Mitch Hedberg Quotes