• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.

Mitch Hedberg

Related Topics

FunnyHumorMusic

Popular Authors

Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

| Next

More Mitch Hedberg Quotes

• 

  On a traffic light green means ‘go’ and yellow means ‘yield’, but on a banana it’s just the opposite. Green means ‘hold on,’ yellow means ‘go ahead,’ and red means, ‘where the hell did you get that banana at?’

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumorMean
• 

  A friend said to me, “I think the weather is trippy.” I said, “No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it’s the way we perceive it.” And then I realized I just should have said, “Yeah.”

  MITCH HEDBERG
  ClimateFunnyHumorMen
• 

  I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  CrazyDanceFunnyHumorYourself
• 

  One time I stayed at a haunted motel. When I checked into my room, there was a sheet on the floor, and I thought it was a ghost that had passed out, so I kicked it.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyGhostHumorRoom
• 

  Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumor
• 

  I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumorImpossible
• 

  I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  DreamFunnyLifeSex
• 

  I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  AnimalFunnyHumorPeople
• 

  I think football is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumorSoccerSports
• 

  I like Kit-Kat, unless I’m with four or more people.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumorPeople
• 

  I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FallFunnyMyselfTravel
• 

  A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FoodFunnyLaughter
• 

  Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I’m throwing a Frisbee.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  FunnyHumorLonelyMyselfPlay
• 

  I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  CleverFunnyWitty
• 

  Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read!

  MITCH HEDBERG
  BookChildrenFunny
• 

  Here’s a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.

  MITCH HEDBERG
  AirFunnyHumorProblem