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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.

Joan Rivers

You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
JOAN RIVERS

Deep Fun Funny Old Work Yourself
A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.
JOAN RIVERS

Animal Born Mom Oneself
When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
JOAN RIVERS

Fools Laughter Yourself
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
JOAN RIVERS

Body Death Laughter Memories Myself
I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
JOAN RIVERS

Myself Oneself Thankful
Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
JOAN RIVERS

End Happiness Life Movie Stars Yourself
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
JOAN RIVERS

Defeat Herself Myself Win
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Happiness Key Life Money People
You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
JOAN RIVERS

Deep Inspirational Kill Time Yourself
I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
JOAN RIVERS

Change Loose Money Myself
I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
JOAN RIVERS

Hell Holy Water
Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
JOAN RIVERS

Advice Feeling Goodness Mindset Thinking Wisdom Yourself
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Hell Herself Mom Myself
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
JOAN RIVERS

Advice Myself Race Run Yourself
Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you’re funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
JOAN RIVERS

Acceptance Funny Luck Old Oneself
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
JOAN RIVERS

Bond Daughter Family Mom Myself Relationship Talk Yourself

My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.

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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.

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