On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERSI’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
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I said to my husband, ‘Why don’t you call out my name when we’re making love?’ He said, ‘I don’t want to wake you up.’
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You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it…Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Old age is always ten years more than we are.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
JOAN RIVERS