The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
GEORGE BURNSBe quick to learn and wise to know.
More George Burns Quotes
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
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Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
GEORGE BURNS -
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
GEORGE BURNS -
I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
GEORGE BURNS -
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
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How can I die? I’m booked.
GEORGE BURNS