Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
GEORGE BURNSRetirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
More George Burns Quotes
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Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
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How can I die? I’m booked.
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
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Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
GEORGE BURNS