Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
GEORGE BURNSYou’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
More George Burns Quotes
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It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
GEORGE BURNS -
I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS -
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
GEORGE BURNS -
Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
GEORGE BURNS -
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
GEORGE BURNS -
It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNS -
If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
GEORGE BURNS -
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNS -
I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
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I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNS -
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
GEORGE BURNS






