Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
FRAN LEBOWITZNever relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
FRAN LEBOWITZBeing a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
FRAN LEBOWITZMy favorite animal is steak.
FRAN LEBOWITZNature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
FRAN LEBOWITZDo not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
FRAN LEBOWITZNo animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
FRAN LEBOWITZIfyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
FRAN LEBOWITZVegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
FRAN LEBOWITZIn real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
FRAN LEBOWITZStand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
FRAN LEBOWITZHaving been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
FRAN LEBOWITZYou’re only as good as your last haircut.
FRAN LEBOWITZAs a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
FRAN LEBOWITZYou can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
FRAN LEBOWITZHumility is no substitute for a good personality.
FRAN LEBOWITZLife is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
FRAN LEBOWITZ