If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
FRAN LEBOWITZLife is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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Nothing succeeds like address.
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
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Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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My favorite animal is steak.
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Scientists – the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
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Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
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Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
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My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
FRAN LEBOWITZ