Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
FRAN LEBOWITZThe telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
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Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
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Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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I place a high moral value on the way people behave. I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word – politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit.
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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You’re only as good as your last haircut.
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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You can’t go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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I never met anyone who didn’t have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
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I must take issue with the term ‘a mere child’, for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
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If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
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Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
FRAN LEBOWITZ