Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECKWhen humor goes, there goes civilization.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
ERMA BOMBECK