I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
ERMA BOMBECKWhen humor goes, there goes civilization.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
ERMA BOMBECK