If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
ERMA BOMBECKWhen humor goes, there goes civilization.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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He who laughs lasts.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
ERMA BOMBECK