black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Erma Bombeck

The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Food Funny Lion Wrong
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
ERMA BOMBECK

Bed Boredom Family Mom Myself
Cats invented self-esteem.
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Cat Invention Worth
I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
ERMA BOMBECK

Discover Myself Science Worry
I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Give Up Myself See Sex Trust Woman
He who laughs lasts.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Happiness Inspirational One Liner
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
ERMA BOMBECK

Courage Dream Kindness Yourself
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
ERMA BOMBECK

Home Result Stop Work
A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECK

Family Fun Herself Mom Relationship Yourself
Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
ERMA BOMBECK

Evening Failure Feeling Goodness Misery Sun
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Life
I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
ERMA BOMBECK

Angry Book Children Family Funny Hands Kiss Myself Reading Theory Yourself
Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
ERMA BOMBECK

Endurance Family Friendship Funny Garden Place
A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
ERMA BOMBECK

Clothes Growth Parents Yourself
There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
ERMA BOMBECK

Fun Funny Mother Water Wrong
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
ERMA BOMBECK

End God Hope Inspirational Life Motivational Myself Success Talent

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Erma Bombeck Quotes