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I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.

Emo Philips

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’
EMO PHILIPS

Death Last Remember Word
When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
EMO PHILIPS

Children Deal Myself Snow Time
I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
EMO PHILIPS

Calm Electricity Myself Work
Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
EMO PHILIPS

Leather Morning Worth
When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
EMO PHILIPS

Away College Letter Parents
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
EMO PHILIPS

Funny Hands Magic Myself People Power Raise
You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
EMO PHILIPS

Appreciation Life Praise School Woman Yourself
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
EMO PHILIPS

Myself Organ Thinking Wonderful
My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
EMO PHILIPS

Mom Often Quite Sex Sister
I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
EMO PHILIPS

Beach Love Myself Rock Sound
I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.
EMO PHILIPS

Confidence Earth Myself Oneself Purpose
I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
EMO PHILIPS

Evolution Goodness Myself Thankful
I’m filthy stinking rich – well, two out of three ain’t bad.
EMO PHILIPS

Bad Myself Rich Wealth
Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
EMO PHILIPS

Devil Murder Oneself Time Tough
I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.
EMO PHILIPS

Hit Myself Pick Yourself
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
EMO PHILIPS

Cheating Funny Herself Man Relationship See

I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.

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I think my ex-girlfriend has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don’t know what she charges him.

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Popular Authors

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