I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
EMO PHILIPS
I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I’m not as good a swimmer as I used to be – thanks to evolution.
EMO PHILIPS -
The American government is making nuclear weapons like there’s no tomorrow.
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, how are you going to get into the corners?”
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
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I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don’t even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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All the nations of the earth must learn to live together in peace. Why be prejudiced against anyone because of their race, nationality, or creed? When there’s so many real reasons to hate others.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers…damn anthropologists.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
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I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic… in morse code.
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You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
EMO PHILIPS