black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

Emo Philips

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
EMO PHILIPS

Myself Organ Thinking Wonderful
I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, “I am a bulemic”.
EMO PHILIPS

Alcohol Drink Myself Night
I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
EMO PHILIPS

Animal Dog Human Myself Thinking
I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, “we’ve never had a democrat in the family before”.
EMO PHILIPS

Brain Death Democracy Doctor Emergency Family Myself Room
When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.
EMO PHILIPS

Age Courage Myself School Time
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
EMO PHILIPS

Children Forgiveness Funny God Myself Night Prayer Realization Steal
My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don’t even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
EMO PHILIPS

Crazy Expensive Need Relationship Treatment
If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don’t have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.
EMO PHILIPS

Country Enough Rotate Slow Way Yourself
When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.
EMO PHILIPS

Family Finding Move Myself
I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
EMO PHILIPS

Item Language Learning Luxury Myself
When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.
EMO PHILIPS

Coffee Morning Myself Start Try Wake Up
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: ‘A truck!’
EMO PHILIPS

Death Last Remember Word
I’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
EMO PHILIPS

Best Horror Myself Possible Teaching Thinking Way
Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
EMO PHILIPS

Devil Murder Oneself Time Tough
I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
EMO PHILIPS

Beach Love Myself Rock Sound
I’m filthy stinking rich – well, two out of three ain’t bad.
EMO PHILIPS

Bad Myself Rich Wealth

So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

So I’m at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Emo Philips Quotes