I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
EMO PHILIPSMy first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother’s hip replacement. Because, you know… You break it, you buy it.
More Emo Philips Quotes
-
-
Don’t wear fur! Did you know, a single fur coat takes fifteen trees, just for the protest signs?
EMO PHILIPS -
I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
EMO PHILIPS -
Computers aren’t intelligent, they only think they are.
EMO PHILIPS -
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
EMO PHILIPS -
I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.
EMO PHILIPS -
I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
EMO PHILIPS -
I’m not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?
EMO PHILIPS -
I picked up a hitch hiker. You’ve got to when you hit them.
EMO PHILIPS -
Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
EMO PHILIPS -
Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
EMO PHILIPS -
I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic… in morse code.
EMO PHILIPS -
The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn’t I see you on television? I said, I don’t know. You can’t see out the other way.
EMO PHILIPS -
My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn’t be home until a certain hour.
EMO PHILIPS -
My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
EMO PHILIPS -
Probably the toughest time in anyone’s life is when you have to murder a loved one because they’re the devil.
EMO PHILIPS