I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You’ll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, how are you going to get into the corners?”
EMO PHILIPSA computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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I used to get drunk every night until I puked. Finally I admitted, “I am a bulemic”.
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Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I’ve never been back to THAT newstand.
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Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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I don’t know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That’s what gave me the courage.
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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I’ve learned that you can’t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they’ll panic and give in.
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When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
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You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
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I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
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I took my grandmother to the emergency room. The doctor said that she was on an artificial life support system, and that although her brain was dead her heart was still beating. I though, “we’ve never had a democrat in the family before”.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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I’ve always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence… sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
EMO PHILIPS