I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
BOB HOPEThe stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
More Bob Hope Quotes
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America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.
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US President Gerald Ford’s golf was so bad we thought he was a ‘Hitman for the PGA!
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Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.
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If my golf game was a prize fight, they’d stop it.
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A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
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I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
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And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them.
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The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.
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By the 9th hole they were engaged and when they finished on 18 they had a foursome.
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I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
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Bing Crosby and I weren’t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other.
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I’ve always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It’s an island and the audience can’t run very far.
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I don’t know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.
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I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, “Don’t worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it’s obsolete.”
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The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear’s huge jaws. I wouldn’t even try that with my agent.
BOB HOPE