“Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.”

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you.

To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.

I like to play in the low 70’s. If it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells ‘Fore!’ the guy he’s hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.

It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.

Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.

It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.

I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.

Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

If fees consume more than 1% of your assets annually, you should probably shop for another adviser.