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My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

Bob Hope

Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.
BOB HOPE

Country Fog Funny Remove
If you think golf is relaxing, you’re not playing it right.
BOB HOPE

Golf Relax Right Thinking
I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humble Humor
And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny People Sorry War
I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight – and that was just their hair.
BOB HOPE

England Hair Line One
Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Kissing Tea
I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.
BOB HOPE

Flying Funny Travel Luggage
Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life.
BOB HOPE

Baseball Character Kids Personal Plot Side
It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.
BOB HOPE

May Watches World
Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.
BOB HOPE

Funny Humorous Japan
One of our stock lines used to be “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Bing, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me.” And that’s the way we go through life – doing nothing for each other!
BOB HOPE

Each Lines Nothing Other Stock Way
I’ve got to watch myself these days. It’s too exciting watching anyone else.
BOB HOPE

Days Line One These Watches
It was a typically British birth… I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward… I came out in sympathy.
BOB HOPE

Funny Hilarious Sympathy Witty
The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
BOB HOPE

Aspirin Firm Print Times
All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous Old
It was a great honour to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I didn’t know they had a caddie division.
BOB HOPE

Caddies Division Fame Golf

My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

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My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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