If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHERWe don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
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Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
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What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
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Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
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You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
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If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
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That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
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In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
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Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
BILL MAHER






