“A grandchild is God’s reward for raising a child.”

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by survival of the fittest.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

The serve was invented so that the net could play.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don’t cry over the one person who doesn’t.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world.

You are a genius! and I am a genius because I married you.

Violence won’t solve a thing. It makes it more challenging to solve, though.

That’s why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

Still finding silly string in weird places.

When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness.

The objective of education should be impressed on the children’s minds. The academic education of today is shallow and useless because it has no value orientation.

Give me a child and I’ll shape him into anything.

Being famous is like a dream come true but it’s really difficult because you lose your freedom. I don’t want to lose being a kid.

I will suggest that the great aim of our education is to bring out of the child who comes into our hands every faculty that he brings with him, and then to try to win that child to turn all his abilities, his powers, his capacities, to the helping and serving of the community which is a part.

All leaders strive to turn their followers into children.

The misery of a child is interesting to a mother, the misery of a young man is interesting to a young woman, the misery of an old man is interesting to nobody.