This shed does not contain me.
BILL BAILEYThe BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
BILL BAILEY