Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
BILL BAILEYYes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
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