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Don’t you hate it when, your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?

Andy Rooney

If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
ANDY ROONEY

Date Deserve Internet Meet Murder Yourself
I don’t know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you’ve taken a pill out?
ANDY ROONEY

Hands Mystery Pill Yourself
No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.
ANDY ROONEY

Bad Book Guy Oneself Writing
We’re all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
ANDY ROONEY

Desire Fear Lonely Privacy
I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting.
ANDY ROONEY

Arrangement Care Food Myself Paint Photograph Time
If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
ANDY ROONEY

Drink Goodness Hands Happiness Live Quite
I’ve learned, That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
ANDY ROONEY

Learning Myself Time Work
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
ANDY ROONEY

Average Dog Nice Person
It’s paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
ANDY ROONEY

Age Ideas Irony Life Live Old
I’ve learned, That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
ANDY ROONEY

Eat Learning Myself Word
I’ve learned that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
ANDY ROONEY

Appreciation Hard Learning Love
I’ve learned, That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
ANDY ROONEY

Appreciation Learning Life Myself Small
I’ve learned, That when you’re in love, it shows.
ANDY ROONEY

Learning Love Show Yourself
I’m always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.
ANDY ROONEY

Goodness People Time
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
ANDY ROONEY

Boss Need People Work
Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.
ANDY ROONEY

Goodness Kill Old Oneself People Return Time World

Don’t you hate it when, your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?

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Don’t you hate it when, your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?

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