Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
AMBROSE BIERCELottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
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REFLECTION,n: An Action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.
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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
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