Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
AMBROSE BIERCEPresent, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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