April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
AMBROSE BIERCEDebt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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