Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
AMBROSE BIERCEDawn: When men of reason go to bed.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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