Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCEPatriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
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Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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