The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KINGWe get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
More Alan King Quotes
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
ALAN KING