I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KINGWe get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
More Alan King Quotes
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An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
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But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It’s much more fun.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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I made it, Ma – Carnegie Hall. And I didn’t have to practice.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KING