Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KINGSome would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
More Alan King Quotes
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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We set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KING