My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KINGMy favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KINGWhen I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KINGNow that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGMy lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KINGWhen I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KINGEating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
ALAN KINGIt’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
ALAN KINGMy son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KINGEd Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
ALAN KINGThe ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
ALAN KINGAn old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KINGWe set no styles, no standards. We’re reflections. It’s a distorted mirror in the fun house.
ALAN KINGThere’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
ALAN KINGI had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KINGSome would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KINGThe world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
ALAN KING