I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KINGWhen I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
More Alan King Quotes
-
-
Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KING -
When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KING -
My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
ALAN KING -
Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KING -
For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
ALAN KING -
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KING -
My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KING -
Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it’s hard to turn away.
ALAN KING -
My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KING -
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING -
When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
ALAN KING -
I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING -
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING -
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING -
The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
ALAN KING