That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
ALAN KINGWhen I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
More Alan King Quotes
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I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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It’s not easy being a father, but I’ve been allowed a comeback.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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The other day my house caught fire.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
ALAN KING






