As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KINGWe watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
More Alan King Quotes
-
-
Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
ALAN KING -
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KING -
When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
ALAN KING -
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING -
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING -
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING -
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING -
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KING -
My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KING -
Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KING -
For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
ALAN KING -
My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KING -
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KING -
I was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KING -
When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
ALAN KING