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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

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Accident Car Cousin Eighty Kill Male Mother One Raise Sister Six Trolley

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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KING

Coverage Fire Frown Kind Lawyer Problem Theft
My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Bed Eat Favorite Out Saturday Spend Sport Television Watch Way
My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Brother College Cut Him Member Nail Physician Surgeon Youngest
Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Confidence First Freedom Gave Lot People Program Sullivan Television
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Get Good Know Look Old People Tell
I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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Being Bird Come Early Gonna Mind Sixty-five Special Tell
Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Better Salami Sex Slice Thickly
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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Always Art Even Humour Somebody Want Weapon
As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Better Father Parent
Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KING

Humor Jew Joke Objectivity Only Refer Speak Stage Unfunny
You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Attack Fun Make Somebody
Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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Business Course Have Hook Learn Survive
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Atom Think Expense Great Humor Someone Something
Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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Comedy Create Nothing Reflection
I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
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Again Go Role Something Sympathetic Thirty Two Week

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