My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
ALAN KINGMy mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
More Alan King Quotes
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
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Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Then, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING