An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KINGComedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
More Alan King Quotes
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As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
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Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I’m going to have for dinner or I can’t get through the day.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
ALAN KING