When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
ADAM CAROLLABeing a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can’t afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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I’ve got a great eye for color. I’m like a chick.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
ADAM CAROLLA