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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.

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Aware Get Getting Laid Over Thing

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

We’ve got black and white, we’ve got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball.
ADAM CAROLLA

Asian Black Hispanic Straight Together White Working
No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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Bear Chasing Depressed
If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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Act Boom Country Driven Gay Golf Real Rule Section Value
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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Equivalent Fat Giving Government Morning Overwhelmed People Person Sending
Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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Crapping Experience Explore Life Yourself
I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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Like Performing Radio Stuff Television Watching
I am not a good cue card reader.
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Card Cue Feeling Good Positive Reader
It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I’ve done so much morning radio that I won’t be overwhelmed by it, but it’s still going to be a challenge.
ADAM CAROLLA

Challenge Funnier Morning Reason Water
I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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Amount Art Get Joke Naked People Probably Reality Standing Telling Thinking
I’d never hurt another person.
ADAM CAROLLA

Another Calm Heart Hurt People Person Pure
Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
ADAM CAROLLA

Alter Behaviors Good Help Incentive Shop Tell
Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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Attracted Chick Doing Happen Love Dude Money Successful
The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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Beautiful Beauty Definition Miracle Outside Profession
That’s the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can’t pursue your dream till you’re 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
ADAM CAROLLA

Dream Force Like Love Pursue Quit Sport Writing
I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
ADAM CAROLLA

Favourite Form Freedom Mess Podcast Really
Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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Actually Chance Chick Funny Humor Mercedes Name

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