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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

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Accomplishment Feel Good Should Yelled Yourself

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
ADAM CAROLLA

Conservative Hollywood Need People Place
That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
ADAM CAROLLA

Forever Funny Humor Interesting Philosophical Question
I get depressed at airports.
ADAM CAROLLA

Airport Depress Depressed Fear Height Scare Shy
You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anything Eating Funny Humor Microwave Six Take
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLA

Equivalent Fat Giving Government Morning Overwhelmed People Person Sending
I don’t know anything about computers.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aware Computer Function Know Knowlege Work
The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aisle Land Leave People Ten Thing View
I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
ADAM CAROLLA

Fake Funny Humor None Orgasm Two Type Women
No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Book Comedian Comedy Enjoy Fun Read Reader
I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
ADAM CAROLLA

Burn Calories Happen Masculine Trying World
There are certain things women are better at than men.
ADAM CAROLLA

Better Certain Expert Man Thing Unique Women
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Daughter Dude Fire Funny Mother Reason
As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bird Book Escape Mean Moving Relieved
If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bridge Built Done Meant Women
You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
ADAM CAROLLA

Card Control Credit More Much Navigate Pill Realize Sugar Use
I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
ADAM CAROLLA

Admit God Know Law Other Same Way World

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