Welfare is monetary methadone.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don’t vote that way.
ADAM CAROLLA