I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I’ll never get to do that.
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don’t have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
ADAM CAROLLA