As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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I would say the podcast is my favorite because I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
ADAM CAROLLA






