I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
ADAM CAROLLAPeople are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they’re making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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I don’t normally vote. I’m lazy and I never bought into the every vote counts.
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You don’t cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA






