I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
ADAM CAROLLAThen there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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I am not a good cue card reader.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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I don’t burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
ADAM CAROLLA